I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
