I'm going to jail i love you
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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