Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
