One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize