You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
