Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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