rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
