He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
