dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
