A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
