Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
