after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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