the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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