my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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