why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
