Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
