I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to have your abortion
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
