Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
a search helicopter?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
