I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
did you just send me my own nude
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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