It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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