then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
