he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize