a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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