My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
