Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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