We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
