We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
