i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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