Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
