they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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