Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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