Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
