A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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