dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
