i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
