Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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