I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
