Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
