you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
