I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
