I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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