You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
