if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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