I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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