This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
