Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
