Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
