just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
