Walk of Shame. In a state park.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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