I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
