And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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