Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
