i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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