i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
