Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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