I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
