are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
