nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize