It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize