its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
