Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
