dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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