its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
stop calling my apartment porn island.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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