White coat. Heels.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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