Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
