I cannot find my penis.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
