He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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