i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
