So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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