THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
