So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
