I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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