i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
