your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
