If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
