this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
