Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
