I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
