She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
